Nan (31) had very strong negative feelings towards the gym when we first met.
“For me, going to the gym feels like going to JAIL!” is a direct quote of hers.
But she still hired me as a personal trainer. She saw what a great impact working out regularly had on her husband, Avi (also a client of mine), and she wanted some of it too.
After four months of working out, I received the following WhatsApp message from Nan:
She had obviously changed her mind dramatically and this happened during a tough period in her life when she was in between jobs, things weren’t going right and she even ended up unemployed.
Let’s find out what happened…
Alex: When we first met, you said going to the gym was like going to jail for you, why was that?
Nan: You know this thing about wrong first impressions? That’s what it was. My first impression of the gym was that it was a place you go to mindlessly lift weights and do things with equipment. It didn’t take long for me to realise how wrong I was. There are so many aspects to it, so much technique involved, and so much of observing and learning things about your own body.
Alex: So, what is it that made you actually enjoy working out at the gym?
Nan: During my first week at the gym, you told me that we're going to start deadlifting. We went to the free weights area, and you asked me to lift the bar and I couldn't. I couldn't lift just the bar as it is, and that's just 20 kg!
My confidence was so low. I really thought I'm never going to be able to deadlift. Just looking at the movement and everything that I need to remember with my body seemed so complicated, and I was super overwhelmed.
Then, you got me to practice with the smith machine to help me get comfortable with the movement. Slowly, I transitioned to the free weights and now three, four months later I lifted 50 kg.
It's truly unbelievable for me. It’s facing these challenges that makes this entire process so much fun.
It teaches me so much patience and the importance of being consistent every day. It's not just what you do physically for the sake of vanity, but it's a lot to do with how you feel.
Alex: How did you change outside the gym?
Nan: I’ve stopped drinking alcohol and I don’t even miss it anymore. Mainly because when I drink, even a little, I’m not able to be 100% at the gym and I enjoy being 100% at the gym. So instead of spending 10% of my time drinking to have a good time and then feeling bad later, I just choose not to.
The next thing would be my confidence. I feel so much more confident in my body now. All summer long, I haven't bought new clothes to make me look good. In the past, I’d always buy new clothes when I had to go to a party or an event, but now, I’m fine with everything that I have because I no longer give a sh*t about what I wear to look good.
When you gain that kind of confidence, you no longer feel the need to have external things to make you feel good about yourself.
It is all about how you feel inside. You can throw on anything and go out because you feel confident about who you are, and I think that's what working out regularly does to you if you have the right mentality.
Alex: Nan, you had a very nice position at Meta. Why did you decide to quit?
Nan: I mean, again, it's #worklifebalance. I was working in the evening, and I'm a morning person. My brain was falling asleep after 03:00 p.m.
I chose to work at Meta because I needed financial stability. I knew I had to work hours that weren’t great for work-life balance, and it was never the long term goal. I always wanted to ultimately switch to a place where I worked better hours.
Also, along the way, I always asked myself when am I making time for my family? When am I going to spend time with the love of my life and our lovely dog?
Avi and I have been married for eight years, and neither of us has ever been free at the same time in all these years. When we were in India, we both worked for US companies and it was so hard to find time for each other.
I just can't waste my life like this, so I knew that I had to make that change when I came to Berlin. I had to prioritise and make a choice between money or time with my loved ones, and obviously time with my loved ones trumps money. I think money is really nice to have, but then if you can't do anything with it, then there is no point.
Right now, my expenses are just investing in myself, in my wellness. What else am I going to do anything for?
Alex: For a couple of months, you ended up unemployed. This was quite stressful for you. But you kept on working with me as your personal trainer. Why didn’t you cut on this expense?
Nan: I really love working with you. You're a fantastic coach.
When I lost my new job that I was just about to start, you were with me. The day I received that dreaded phone call, you sat across the table from me and saw me breakdown.
For me, I knew that I still needed to work with you more than anything else. In order to feel good about myself and know that I was and am more than who I am at work.
The results that you get from working out - no one can take away from you.
Just like your education. No one can. My parents always said that money can come and go. You can have a lot of money and someone can just steal it from you and take it away. But your education, the things that you’ve learned, how can someone steal that?
It's the same thing about being consistent, working out, eating, etc. And that's just what I'm getting from working with you.
When I finish a workout and leave the gym, it doesn't leave me feeling drained, I feel energised and that is what I needed. Even though I had to cut back on things I'm still taking care of myself and I feel like it's what everybody needs to do, if they’re in a place where they can make that choice.
Alex: How did the relationship with your husband, Avi, change after you both started working out regularly?
Nan: Well, I’m very competitive. When I’m working out, I’m thinking “What did Avi do? Am I getting any close?”. It’s like a game, and I’m showing off my progress to him, and it’s so much fun.
Also, the reason I started going to the gym was that for the first time I could feel muscles on him and see how confident it made him. It was amazing and I wanted that too!
He wasn’t a guy who would wake up at 5 am to go to the gym. I used to wake him up every morning just before his first work meeting. Now, he is up before me and ready to go, and I love that he is so motivated. It makes you respect your partner even more and it is amazing!
Alex: What is your advice to other people who are currently struggling with their work-life balance?
Nan: I was super privileged to be able to make these decisions and choose work-life balance. I know that not everybody can make that choice for various reasons.
There was a time in my life where I couldn’t make this decision easily. For instance, when I started the job at Meta, I knew we needed financial stability because we had just relocated to a new country.
So, you need to take a good look at your life and ask yourself: “Am I at a place in my life where I need the money at this point to be more stable, so I can ultimately choose work-life balance? Do I have financial commitments that I need to take care of?”
If yes, then you know that’s what you need to do.
And I think for those who are able to make a decision to choose work-life balance, you need to prioritise. Like, how long is long enough? I had to take a pay cut when I had to make this decision, but what I'm getting in return is so much more than losing out on money. I have time back with my family!
I think all of us in this day and age have this thing with rest, where you feel like you need to earn rest, which is wrong because you deserve the rest just like that, for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it, and I think you need to come to terms with that to really understand yourself.
You need to be your own best friend. You need to look out for yourself.
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